Tag Archives: feelings

Would You Want To Know?

crystal-ball3

Lately, I’ve been in a funk. I’ve been wondering about my writing career, asking myself if I really think all the dreams I have had for the last decade or so will ever really come true. Most days I’m an optimist, but there are those few days that I sit questioning everything and anything.
I got to thinking, What if someone who sees the future told you they can tell you with absolute certainty if you will ever break through? Would you want to know? Would it make a difference?
What if the answer was no, would you keep writing?
Let’s face it, writers are filled with dreams of the future. The possibilities of what can be are great motivators. Sure, we all write because it’s our passion, our love, our sanity, but a great amount of us write hoping that someday our words will be read by thousands maybe even millions of people.
It would be nice to know for sure if that moment we are waiting for will eventually come. However, I’m not sure I’d want to know for sure.
I write because my soul feels complete when I am putting the pen to the paper. I’m hopeful that my perseverance will pay off. If someone told me my dreams will never come true it would crush me. On the reverse, if they said I will one day be a best-selling author, I might write more furiously so I can get to that point quicker, but still it wouldn’t be the same.
As much as I hate not knowing what will become of me and my words, it’s the not knowing that pushes me forward, keeps me going, and drives me to produce more.
So, if someone with a crystal ball said, “I can tell you if you will find success.” It’s a possibility that I’d say, “Okay, tell me.” but then I might find myself regretting finding out.
How about you? Would you want to know?

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Filed under meme, novel, random, rejections, story telling, Uncategorized, writer's life, writers, Writing

Freeing The Funk

I have been in a funk. It started about a month ago. I don’t talk about my day job too often because the fact of the matter is, out here in cyberspace I like to be known as simply a writer. I, like many other writers have a day job (well sort of- I work from 3:00 a.m to 11:00 a.m). What do I do? I work in a casino. I am what they call a “dual”, which means I am half dealer, half supervisor. I began as a croupier (craps dealer) and learned additional games along the way (black jack, three card poker, Spanish 21 and Let it Ride). About a month ago, I was asked by my superior to train for Baccarat. I knew it was a good opportunity and I wouldn’t be able to turn it down. (Well, I could have, but not everyone is asked so I hated the thought of saying no.) Saying yes to training meant I was saying yes to fourteen hour days. I knew it was a temporary situation and in the end I would be glad I said yes. I didn’t know that it would put an end to writing for a while. You see, I am also a mother of four. My free time had to be spent mothering. I’d wake up at 1:00 a.m. and go non-stop until 8:00 p.m. After the first week, I started to feel blue. I blamed it on lack of sleep. It occurred to me that it wasn’t the lack of sleep or the overload of obligations. It was the absence of writing that was making me feel lost in my own world. For the past ten years I have written daily (occasionally I’d skip a day or two but never a week). The part of me I enjoyed so much was gone. I started to feel like I was no longer a writer. I even convinced myself that I might have to give up on my dream of becoming a published author. I’d stumble upon writing sites such as Twitter and feel like I didn’t belong. I’d attempt to write only to fall asleep in mid sentence. I had a pity party for myself and was about to make peace with the fact that my dream had to be abandoned. I simply no longer had the time (for ten years I was a stay at home mother who waitressed part time) my choice to get a full time job meant that my dreams had to be sacrificed. I spoke these words over and over trying to convince myself that I believed them to be true. Then somewhere in the distance of my mind another voice spoke back. “Don’t be silly,” it said. Being in a funk did not mean that I no longer could write. In fact if I chose to never write again, chances are I’d never come out of the funk. Writing is my first love. It is my therapy. It is my hope for a better tomorrow. It is who I am. I am a writer. I might have other things going on but a true writer always finds their way back. Today I am freeing the funk. I am continuing to do what I love. A writer may do other things but the only thing they want to do is write. Have you found yourself in a funk? What did you do to get out of it?

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Filed under creating, emotions, life, story telling, writer's life, writers, writing, Writing

Inspiration Isn’t Always Pretty

If you have been watching the news you should have seen the devastation that poured through my hometown and all surrounding towns this past weekend. Yes, Northeastern Pennsylvania watched in horror as the floods swept away homes (my sister-in-law’s was one of them), flooded streets and brought people to their knees. Our bridges were closed. We had curfews. I myself sat on the only open bridge for an hour and a half trying to make it home to my family. I felt as if I was on the set of a movie. It was surreal. It was inspiring?

As I watched the news something the reporter said initially struck me as odd. She was talking about how people just couldn’t help but go out and see what was happening. “It was like viewing a car wreck,” she said. “You know you shouldn’t look but you just can’t help it”. She then went on to say a situation like this was inspiring. Inspiring? At first I felt a little offended (I know the writer in me should have immediately knew what she meant) but because everything was so close to home (Literally. The only thing that saved my street was a makeshift dike built out of dirt by a bunch of heroes) I didn’t like that she used that word. To me, inspiring meant beauty. The word itself even sounds pretty. It couldn’t relate to something horrible, or could it? Of course it can.

As I thought about her broadcast my flooded mind receded and my thoughts became clearer. I began to understand exactly what she meant. Something horrible can be inspiring. Devastation like the one my town recently endured inspired many things. It inspired communities to rally together to help save homes. It inspired newspapers to share heartbreaking stories. It inspired photographers to snap photos so we can remember and others will be able to see history. It inspired me to write this blog.

Writers don’t only write about sunny days and perfect lives. If you want to write about the human experience you have to be able to be inspired by things not so pretty. How boring would books be if there was never sorrow or obstacles to overcome?

Because we observe unhappy situations and then later write about them does not mean that we are freaks or disaster lovers, it simply means that we are interested in writing about life experiences. I am not happy that the flood happened. It saddens me that so many people I know had to suffer. I don’t find joy in writing about their pain but in a strange way I do feel inspired.

Have you ever been inspired by an unfortunate event?

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Filed under emotions, Inspirational, life, random, story telling, writers, writing, Writing

Rejection

Out of the darkness comes a fist to your face.
Smashing against flesh
Distorting
Mangling
Upsetting
Laughing at your inability to stay fresh
You fall to the ground weak and unable to rise
A leg from somewhere delivers a kick
Smashing your soul
Rattling
Pounding
Destroying
Unsympathetic that you now feel sick
Curled up and sobbing you shield yourself
“No more, no more, please let me be.”
Pleading
Cursing
Screaming
“Why? Why? Why don’t you believe in me?”
You wait for the next impact but it never comes
Peeking out of a bruised eye you scan the room
Alone
Confused
Wasted
The fist uncurls and out stretches a hand
Get up!
Fight Back!
Toughen up!
Rejection stands before you wrapped in dark clothes
Clueless
Crazed
Suspended
Slowly you rise. You are ready to confront
“Why do you hate me what did I do?”
“My child, my child, do you not see? Acceptance without rejection wouldn’t be the same.”
“I am here to make you better not cause you shame.”

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Filed under emotions, Fiction, Inspirational, life, rejections, writer's life, writers, writing, Writing

My First Literary Interview

Lydias Literary Lowdown with Lydia Aswolf 3/1/2011 – WGGM | Internet Radio | Blog Talk Radio.

 

I recently was interviewed by Lydia Aswolf over at Lydia’s Literary Lowdown. It was my first literary interview. She was fabulous and asked me some great questions. We talked about the journey a writer takes, where my inspiration comes from, finding time to write and the process of shopping my book around (The Graveyard Five). Today, I am posting the interview on my blog. I hope you like what you hear. Happy Writing!

I am trying to build my platform. What are some things that you have done to try and build a platform?

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Filed under Author Interview, character, character building, constructing, creating, editing, emotions, Fiction, Inspirational, life, meme, middle grade fiction, novel, platform building, query, random, rejections, stories, story telling, story writing, Style, Uncategorized, Voice, writer's life, writers, Writing, Young Adult

From the Basement to The Attic: Remembering the Past and Creating the Future

Today a lot of people fix up their basements, but when I was younger most of the basements I entered were dingy and filled with memorabilia, broken appliances, file cabinets, tools, damaged furniture and dirt. It was a storage room for the past.

When we are writing, we have to go to the basements of our mind to retrieve stories, images, characters and settings. We might only use shards of recollections but nonetheless those bits of information are what make our stories unique.

What do you remember about your past that would help the future of one of your stories?

*What experiences do you remember? Can you use any one of those experiences when writing a scene? E.g. I recall being an overweight ten-year old in gymnastics. It was going to be my first time on the parallel bars and I was excited. I imagined myself flipping gracefully. I envisioned the other girls clapping and the instructor beaming with pride. Instead, I got a pat on the belly and a very rude comment from the instructor “You better lay off the snickers if you want to be good at this,” she said.
If I am writing a scene about disappointment, hurt feelings or embarrassment, I might pull up this memory to see what it evokes.

*What do you remember about your first crush? My first crush was on a boy who had his face painted like a clown. I was at a town festival. I was making my way to the leather tent because my father gave me money to buy a leather bracelet that had my name on it. (This was super special to me because I could never find my name on anything cool like barrettes, pencils, etc.) Just as I approached the tent the boy walked out of the adjacent one. My world stopped. Suddenly it wasn’t the bracelet I was thinking about any more. If I am writing a scene about a first crush, I revisit that moment.

*Do you remember an argument with a friend, a parent, a teacher?

*Think back to a day when you were happy, what was it that made you happy?

*Do you remember a time when you were injured?

*Who were the people of your neighborhood?

*What did the “popular kids” wear?

*What mistakes did you make? Did you ever skip school? Sneak a cigarette? Lie about where you were going?

*Where did you hang out?

*What was your first experience with death?

Grab a pen and paper and jot down ten things you remember from your past. (Mix and Match)
• 1. A person
• 2. An event
• 3. An experienced emotion
• 4. A destination
• 5. A situation
• 6. A lie (you told or were told)
• 7. A room
• 8. A piece of clothing
• 9. A scent
• 10. A conversation

Okay now it’s time to move on to attics. Think of the attic as where you are going. Yes you store things here too but they are to be used again. Take for example Holiday decorations, you have used them in the past but you have no idea what will be going on in your life the next time you bring them down so they are also part of your future.

The attic of our stories is the part where you tap into your hopes, dreams and predictions. The beginning of the story is the basement. The journey of the story is the attic.

*Where do you see yourself in ten years? (Can your character be pondering this same question?)

*What events can happen that will change the world? (Is your character a part of these events?)

*What are your worst fears? Can you create a scene that makes you confront these fears?

*What would be your dream come true?

*Who are people you may meet?

*What surprise would you love to receive?

Look at the above questions I listed and then review your answers from the first part of the exercise (Your past memories). Combine your past recollections with your future hopes to see how you might be inspired.

Take a look at any of your stories and try and pick out exact spots where you know you drew on the past (the basement). Do you remember a part of your story where you were stumped and had no idea how to move forward? Did you need to tap into your characters mind (attic) to see what their dreams, hopes, and desires were?

One of the things I find most fun when writing is the fact that I can create a past and a future. I have the ability to ensure the future for my character is exactly what I want it to be. I don’t have this same luxury in real life. In writing, everything could be certain if we choose it to be. If I want my character to become a law student, I could make that happen. I could also make her find the perfect mate, wear the best clothes, be given many awards and die peacefully in her bed.

In writing, there are basements and attics. The basement is where we have been and the attic is where we are heading. You can’t have a future if you never experienced a past. Use your life experiences when writing and you may find you create a future best seller.

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Filed under audience, books, character, character building, constructing, creating, editing, emotions, Fiction, Inspirational, life, platform building, random, stories, story telling, story writing, Style, writer's life, writers, writing, Writing

Thinking about Writing is Not Writing, but…

Too often, I find myself thinking about writing while driving, thinking about writing while working, thinking about writing while sitting on the couch which leads to me telling myself Hey Mar, thinking about writing is not writing.
Thinking about writing is not writing but it may be just as important. I have found that a lot of my best ideas came at my laziest of moments. There have been times where I sat down to write only to come up with nothing. I’d feel sorry for myself and decide that instead of wrestling with the emptiness of my mind, I’d go take a nap. Sure, the first few seconds I’d curse myself and call myself some unflattering names but then something almost magical would happen. As I lay there in a stupor a blink of an idea would flicker. A character I’d never met would introduce itself. A scenario I hadn’t imagined would dance across my thoughts and before I knew it, I was jumping off of the couch.
Why didn’t the ideas come to me while sitting in my writing chair? Why didn’t these characters say hello when my fingers were tapping the keyboard? Why didn’t the scenario shout to me when I was sitting there staring at a blank page?
I have come to the realization that our brains need rest and much like a baby sometimes they don’t act on command. It is easy to think about what you will write when you are not writing because nothing is expected of you in that moment. Your mind is free to roam. It’s not in the spotlight so to speak therefore it is filtering out junk without you even realizing.
I think I figured it out. We have to trick our minds into thinking we are not going to write. We have to play reverse psychology with our own psyches.
If you make mental notes when you are thinking about writing, you might find a plethora of material waiting for you when you sit down to actually write.

Do you think about writing more than you write?
Where are some places you find yourself thinking about writing?
Do you agree that once you walk away from writing that your mind fills with great writing material?

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Filed under audience, character, character building, constructing, creating, dreaming, editing, emotions, Fiction, Inspirational, life, meme, middle grade fiction, random, routine, stories, story writing, Style, writer's life, writers, writing, Writing, Young Adult